“Privilege” is something, if I’m being honest, I never really associated with myself growing up. I solely associated the word with negative connotations and the image of the members of society that acquired abundant levels of wealth and entitled behavior. Now, I never considered myself or my family to be poor. I grew up middle class, and both my parents and myself worked and continue to work hard for everything we own and every opportunity we’ve earned. Because I did not see the world through a racist lens and because I did not see people of color as unequal, I did not believe we were still living in a world were racism and inequality were as prevalent as they are. Only now do I realize that I was privileged and am still privileged due to the unchangeable physical characteristic of my skin color. The sad truth is that in this country, being a White American, gives me a special right, a social advantage, and immunity that many other races do not have access to. The worst part, I acted oblivious to it, and possibly subconsciously wanted to avoid that truth. I yearn so badly for the world to be a fair place and to believe I have earned everything the same way that everyone else has, but that is only a fantasy. Due to my coloring, I dodged a number of obstacles that many of my friends are unable to avoid regardless of their wealth, work ethic, education, or personality. It seems our country has been able to overcome all other differences in physical appearance or background, such as birth defects, special needs, skin diseases etc., yet we can not dismiss ethnicity. It is a question on every single application. It is a deciding factor, whether we admit it or not, in every single aspect of life. Unless you’ve gone on a social media, internet, electronic device, and news detox (which kudos to you, it’s probably been really great for your mental health), you’ve most likely seen some of the horrifying displays of racism and just inhumane behavior. Seeing the visuals of the deaths of these innocent men has never made me feel more sick, but what made me feel even more sick was a quote someone posted on their Instagram story explaining how as a Black person, even if they were having a good day, when they see a death due to racism their day immediately turns bad and they can’t shake the thoughts. I sat with that for a while, realizing I will NEVER have to suffer that pain, because when a White man dies in this country it is NEVER due to racism. And that realization made me feel sick and guilty pretending I was an ally but truthfully I was just a bystander. I would see and hear of racist acts on social media, and I would feel sad and disgusted by what was taking place, but then I would move on. I thought I was doing my part by simply not being racist and by practicing tolerance and kindness, but as you can tell that isn’t enough anymore. The Black community can speak out against racism until they're out of breath, but if the White community (the privileged community) doesn’t speak out against racism it won’t stop. The racist White Americans have diminished the value of any other race, therefore they are uninterested and unaffected in what they have to say. These people still believe they are the majority and that they obtain dominance in society. But if those of us in the White community who would prefer not to be associated with the heartless and revolting racist community that shares our skin color, then it is our obligation to speak out against them. It is our obligation to make them realize how small minded they are and the fact that they are living in twenty-first century America. This is a country that is a melting pot of all ethnicities and should embrace them all as assets not hindrances. If we can prove that the community of White Americans that embraces all races outnumbers the community of racist White Americans, if we can make them feel shame, embarrassment, and guilt for their actions, if we can help them understand that racism will no longer be tolerated, then maybe we can make a difference. If you are reading this as a White American, understand that this is your responsibility. Silence makes you as guilty as the White officer who forcefully pushed his knee into George Floyd’s neck until he took his last breath. Racism is not the fight of one race, it is the fight of all races. The sooner we recruit ourselves in the army against the dreadful disease that is racism, the sooner we can win the battle. I am privileged and I am not sorry about it, because it isn’t something that I am in control of. But I am sorry that until this point I have not used my privilege nearly enough to speak out and act as an ally for those who aren’t as fortunate. This public apology serves as my promise to be a better ally, and to use my privilege for the greater good. Ps. use this link to see how you can help https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co Love Always, Jenavieve
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I was on the phone with my mom the other night and inevitably, as all conversaciones progress lately, we found ourselves discussing COVID-19 and basically just how much it sucks. I was expressing to her my frustration with people protesting for things to open back up. For those who own small businesses, I understand their push for opening the country up. But those who just want to open the beaches because they miss playing in the sand or want the nail salon to open because their acrylics are breaking, really irk me. It seems to me that these people have lost perspective on the real issues. Loved ones are being lost daily, and our essential workers are risking their lives daily to give our citizens medical attention, groceries, accurate testing, and hopefully a vaccination or cure. This situation is hard for everyone, trust me I get it. We are all struggling, but the level of hardship, frustration, and loss we are experiencing ranges from person to person. To try to compare any two situations would just be foolish, because it just isn’t the same situation for anyone. I’ve heard a lot of people use the phrase “We’re all in the same boat” to express how this global issue is effecting all of us. But my mom brought the inaccuracy of that phrase to my attention as she said to me last night “We are all in the same storm, but we are NOT all in the same boat”. Of course she can’t take credit for this phrase, but when she spoke the words to me, everything clicked. She was absolutely right, each individual is facing a different obstacle tied to this pandemic. I think people find comfort in knowing they are not alone during a crisis, and they want to be able to relate to others. Many are choosing to do so by generalizing everyone’s suffering to the same level, which I find insensitive. We can still have a sense of community and create a united front during this pandemic, but we will only be able to properly do so by understanding that each individual’s needs are different. By assessing our own situation in comparison to others and giving ourselves some perspective, it may help us to transform our introspective and selfish thoughts into selfless and generous actions. I know that for myself, when I don’t have control over my life or the liberty to live as I please, I start to become anxious and tend to over plan and over prepare and selfishly dwell on all the things my life is lacking. Considering the low stock of toilet paper and clorox wipes, I can confidently conclude that many others feel the need to grasp control of anything they can during a crisis. I have to take a breath and remind myself to use this pandemic not as an opportunity to focus on myself, but to focus on what I can contribute to the world in this time. For each of us, that contribution will be and needs to be different. For those who are fortunate enough to stay employed, maybe it’s donating to the COVID-19 relief foundations that have been created. For those that were able to stock up on toilet paper, maybe it’s giving a few rolls to your neighbor who is running low. For those who are healthy and youthful enough, maybe it’s grocery shopping for your elderly neighbors and relatives. For those who are crafty, maybe it’s spending time making masks for anybody who needs one. For those who work in the medical field, it’s donating their time and energy and sacrificing their own health to heal others. But for all of us, it is practicing social distancing and creating positive energy and manifesting hope. The uncertainty and heightened fear tied to this is enough to mentally break all of us, and that is where we are all in the same boat. To keep our boat afloat through this storm, those of us who are strong enough must be resilient in fighting for hope and positivity for those who are unable to do so. Love Always, Jen Hi all! It’s been a while. I had intentions to write so many blog posts and be more active and consistent with my blog over spring break, but then this globas pandemic came about and everyone’s lives turned upside down and New York City became a ghost town practically overnight. Although we have been aware of COVID-19 for a couple of months, I don’t think many people were taking it very seriously or anticipated a state of a national emergency to occur. But here we are, stuck inside, worried about our loved ones, stressed about our education, our unemployment rates, paying our bills, raising our children, and all the other things that are proving to become stressors in our lives during this global crisis. If you asked me three weeks ago where I’d be right now, this sure wasn’t what I had pictured. Time truly has never moved so simultaneously quick and slow for me, is an inexplicable feeling, yet I gather that many of you can relate.
Three weeks ago today, I was still in New York City, planning to audition for summer theatres, and although school was closed for an extra week, I had strong hopes it would open back up by the end of March. At the time, my selfish type A personality noted COVID-19 as a minor, quite irritating, inconvenience to my carefully planned and organized life. It was only supposed to last a couple weeks. But as the days passed, more and more of my friends fled for home, auditions were being canceled, businesses and attractions were closing, and the more desolate the city became. I was uncomfortable walking the empty streets, and I felt nervous when another pedestrian got too close even just taking my fifteen minute walk to the apartment of one of the families I nanny for. Each day, another one of my families would tell me they were leaving the city. Within three days of school closing, only one of my families was left for me to work for. Regardless of my high nerves while still being in the city, I was even more nervous to go into one of the busiest airports in the world and then get on a long flight with all types of people and uncontrollable variables to return home. I wrestled with the idea of flying home, but so much was uncertain and it just didn't seem safe to do so. One day when I came in to work, the mother of the children I was nannying that day told me her plans to take her family upstate that weekend, for the next few weeks, and offered for me to come along. At this point, school was scheduled to continue in April, and I didn’t want to be alone in the city so I took her offer and a few days later we packed all the clothes, toys, groceries, and toilet paper we could and hit the road. Today is April 5th, we have now been here two and a half weeks and she has extended the lease until early May. I am currently a full time online college student, as well as a full time nanny for three of the sweetest girls. I won’t lie, it’s A LOT. Managing my school work and new online schedule, while entertaining and carrying for three young children, dealing with my high emotional stress and anxiety, and missing my family dearly has definitely begun to take its toll. I call my mom a lot. I cry often. I feel tired most days. I’m having a hard time. I find myself so envious of everyone else who gets to be home in their beds, hugging their parents, and playing with their dogs. Even worse, I find myself enraged when I see people complain on social media about how they’re irritated with their siblings or parents. But while I know my current situation is much more peculiar than most of my friends my age, who are able to be home with their families, I am way luckier than so many others. Most importantly, I am safe and healthy. I get to continue my education for the semester. I am still able to call and talk to my friends and family. No one I know and love has gotten the virus yet, and I am praying it stays that way. I have three sets of sweet smiles that great me every morning. And I haven’t run out of toilet paper yet. Many people have a much MUCH worse circumstance right now. When I think about how although my situation feels uncomfortable and I feel very lonely and anxious, but that I am so beyond blessed to be where I am compared to most, I realize how important it is for me to not hop on a plane home right now and to stay put. Those who are recklessly ignoring the importance of practicing social distancing and who treated the start of this as an excuse to spend an extra week on spring breaks or enjoy the big crowds before all the businesses shut down are part of the reason this virus has spread exponentially. I know for my age demographic, it can be easy to feel like you're immune to it, but not everyone else is. This virus is airborne, six feet may not be enough to protect the immune deficient or the elderly. I think what I’ve found most frustrating is how when I vent to my friends about how badly I wish I could be home, their response is usually somewhere along the lines of telling me flights are cheap right now. Of course they are, because in my opinion no one should be flying. If I was positive for coronavirus and I decided to get on a plane three weeks ago, I could have infected all the people I spoke to in the airport and checked me through security, I could have infected every person on my flight, and worst of all I could have infected my parents. Even if I was not positive for the virus when I arrived at the airport, there is a high chance I could get the virus between then and arriving home. I am technically not stuck here, but in order to do what I feel is right for the people that I love and to do my part in slowing the spread of this virus and aiding my country in returning to normalcy (or as close as we can get in the post COVID-19 world), I need to stay put. A real hug from my mom and dad, my grandparents, and other elderly relatives and family friends will all feel a lot warmer and more rewarding when I know they are all safe and healthy and that my choice to stay in place made that happen. So for those of you who get to be home, I beg of you to stay home, because some of us don’t get to. Love Always, Jen So, if you follow me on Instagram, you might’ve seen my most recent post on Friday about the craziest thing that happened while my mom was visiting me at school in December. She decided to make a trip out to New York at the beginning of the month, both to see me perform in my end of semester show and to celebrate my 20th birthday with me. That monday after my performances, we planned to just do some sight seeing, shop in Soho, and go to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. That day happened to consist of a forecast of consistent pouring rain, so about halfway through the day we decided to just kill time with indoor activities until it was time to go watch the Rockettes. While we were at the Oculus, a shopping mall and tourist attraction near the 9/11 memorial, a young woman approached us. She worked for the Rachel Ray morning talk show and wanted to know if my mom wanted an all expense paid makeover for a segment on their Christmas Eve show. Things like this don’t typically happen to us and definitely not to her.
Now, ironically, my mom is probably the last person in need of a makeover. Everyone in my life who has either known the both of us from when I was a little thing, or has just seen pictures, comments on how she has not aged one bit. She really is a timeless beauty (at least in my eyes). For how beautiful she is, many probably assume she spends loads of time and money on maintaining her looks, but surprisingly the least amount of time in her day is spent on herself. Her focus is and has always been others. My dad, myself, her work, family, and friends are her primary concerns. Her own needs might cross her mind, but she’ll throw those thoughts to the side amidst navigating all her commitments to make the people she loves happy. Aside from this super random makeover being a fun and abnormal experience that we can look back on and smile about, it made me realize just how little my mom ever gets. She never gets to go shopping, or to pamper herself, or to just sit and be waited on the way she was for those few hours. Even across the country I’m calling her to ask how long to cook chicken for, how to clean the oven, or how to manage my finances. Still, back at home, she has to take care of my dad (a.k.a another child), all while running her own business. Most of the time I forget that she doesn’t have to do any of the things she does, but because she always has without complaint, I take it for granted. She doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve to be taken for granted. She doesn’t deserve for me to forget that she is a person and that “mom” or “wife” are not her only defining titles. She deserves more. All moms, who care for their families the way my mom does, deserve more. I’m hoping this experience will help my mom to allow herself to be a little more selfish, and remind me to be a little less selfless and a little more patient with her. (And to just tell her I love her more often, because that’s always good to). Maybe you don’t have a mom who deserves more, but you have a dad, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a mentor who has a similar impact on your life. They deserve more too. Make sure that they know they do. Love Always, Jen Who remembers waking up literally at six in the morning (or earlier), racing to your parents room, pouncing on their bed and screaming “SANTA CAME! SANTA CAME”, as if that was the only part of Christmas that mattered. This year, as I rolled out of bed around 10:30 and grabbed a cup of coffee, barely even glancing at the tree or the presents, I realized my priorities may have shifted in the last few years or so. I guess getting older really does mean getting a little wiser too. Only a little bit though ;). When we are young, we don’t really understand Christmas much better than lots of yummy food, getting to wear your festive PJs all day long, and a jolly old fat man dressed in red breaking and entering in the middle of the night and showering you with presents. Truly, it is the greatest day to exist for a five year old. I don’t think I realized that not all kids were as blessed to have what I probably didn’t deserve any more than they did every December 25th. This year, more than others, I heard and saw much discussion regarding that the holidays are harder for most than they are easier. Many deal with broken families or no family to celebrate with, many can’t afford to have an extravagant Christmas dinner, or hate the reminder of the losses of loved ones around this family focused season. I’ve always known the holiday season to be a time of giving back and spreading as much love that you can, but this year I was more conscious than normal of how this time of year seems to be more strenuous and stressful than joyful. Even for families who are not struggling financially or missing family members at their holiday dinner, it is still a physical, financial, and mental stretch for many. Hours of cooking, cleaning, hosting, and wrapping. Irritating family members and friends barging in unexpectedly. Buying the “right” gift for each family member. And the pressure social media and advertisers put on you to have the “perfect” holiday. Even for those who don’t celebrate christmas, I’m sure there are still stresses that the chaos of these end of the year celebrations bring on their shoulders. I have some disappointing or quite relieving news for you, depending on how you look at it. NONE OF IT MATTERS. None of it matters, because all of the bows, cookies, and honey baked hams are irrelevant to the purpose of this time of year. This time of year, regardless of if you tie it to a religious figure or not, should be focused on bringing you close to your loved ones, reminding you of all you are blessed to have in your life, and to remind you of those who aren’t as fortunate and to hopefully remind you to take a little bit of action. Maybe its the fact that I now have a job and can afford to give higher quality gifts (that add up wow $$$) or that I go to school across the country and this was the first year ever that was not able to spend Thanksgiving back home in Arizona, but now ALL I care about this time of year is physically being surrounded by my loved ones. Things that used to be so stressful as a child, such as baking all seven types of christmas cookies, having dinner exactly on time, getting everyone the perfect gift with the perfect wrapping, and the tree and centerpieces meticulously decorating (Okay that one still matters to my mom a little bit), suddenly weren’t stressful any more. What mattered this year was the laughs that were shared while baking and that everyone at least made it to dinner and were enjoying each other's company. I was overcome by the sensation of warmth and joy as I laid on the couch, still in my pajamas, with my belly full of a delicious Christmas brunch and watched the smiles sweep across family member’s faces as they opened my thoroughly thought out gifts (I did really good this year guys). No perfect gift, no sparkly Christmas tree, and no elaborate dinner could equate to that warm glow in my heart. Funny enough, since there was no stress surrounded by the things that American society dictates to be the determining factors of a happy holiday, it was one of my favorite holidays to have been had. Incidentally, the gifts were perfect, the decorations were beautiful, the food was delicious, and everyone was happy. If we all expected a little less and were grateful for a little more, I think we could ensure every holiday is a happy one. Merry Everything and Happy New Year! Love Always, Jen New York City can tend to be quite the hostile environment. The majority of the people I pass seem irritated, preoccupied, or unstable. It can be overwhelming; the overcrowded subways and sidewalks, the pressure of needing to be in multiple places at once, and the obnoxiously loud city soundtrack. All of this negativity can lead to the misconception that no one in New York is friendly, but that just is not true.
So often, I get so caught up in wondering why everyone looks so angry, that I forget to assess how I’m presenting myself to all these “unfriendly” people. Then I realize, I’m walking around with my headphones in, my eyes down, and a frown stuck on my face. Why would anyone smile at that picture? We live in a world where, usually, we receive a response to what we first give. So if I want people to smile at me or approach me, maybe I should try to smile and appear approachable? I understand that for some people, like me, who are more reserved or shy, smiling or saying “hi” first can feel a bit unsettling. But truthfully, unless they’re just having the worst day or are a hateful person, they will most likely reciprocate the warm gesture. So my advice is just smile. Open your eyes to the beauty in this world, and look for the people who smile back. Although this may seem like such a simple gesture, sometimes the stress of life and chaos can make it feel like such a burden. But I promise, if you present yourself with a brighter and more inviting energy you will invite more positivity into your life. Are you a glass half full or glass half empty type of person? When someone breaks up with you, do you immediately seek revenge or rather do you choose to reminisce about the memories and embrace the relationship as a life lesson? When you don’t get the job, do you sulk for days or use it as an opportunity to improve your resume for next time? Do you focus on what you don’t have or what you are so fortunate to already own?
Okay, well I don’t think anyone looks at their glass as half full one hundred percent of the time, rather some days we see it fuller than others. And that’s totally healthy, as long as we spend the majority of our time appreciating and less of our time depreciating our lives. I moved to New York City a little over a year ago for school and it’s a funny place for sure. The wealth gap is beyond prevalent. I look up and I see women with Prada bags and red bottom shoes stepping in to their own private luxury cars, but then I look down and see a man using a card board box as a blanket. Every single day, on my walk to classes or work I catch glimpses of these images at least five or more times. But then there are people like me, aspiring students and artists, not scraping by any means but also not rolling in any dough, that’s for sure. When you are someone who sits in the middle, such as myself, it is so important to look up, to wish for more for yourself, and to aspire to achieve great things by pushing your abilities. You have to look up in order to make progress in your career, your passions, and yourself. But often times, we’re stretching our necks so high up to get a glimpse of that lifestyle that it begins to hinder us. It may start to drive you into a negative headspace, opening up room for jealousy of those who already have that life. It may encourage anger, frustration, and resentment for the life you’re currently living or the things you’re lacking. It may invite room for a lethargic attitude due to how tiring and time consuming the journey has been. Luckily, when you feel your neck seizing up from stretching it so high, there’s quite a simple remedy you can use before those negative and ungrateful thoughts pool in. You’ve just got to look down. Remind yourself, there are people with so much less than you, that are struggling so hard to survive that they can’t even bother to look up and strive for anything more. Remind yourself that you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, strong relationships in your life, a breathtaking world to view daily, a healthy and able body, a brilliant mind, goals to achieve, and a warm smile that you probably need to share a little more than you currently are ;) Now, with that being said, I want to challenge you to go a little further than just looking down. Once you have reminded yourself of the fact that you already have so much to celebrate in your own life, I challenge you to give someone else something to celebrate. It can be as simple as bringing a gift to a friend you know is going through it, making dinner for a family dealing with a terminal illness, or giving your leftovers to a homeless man on the street. It can be as grand as making a charitable donation, volunteering your spare time, or helping someone get on their feet. Personally, I like to do volunteer work around the city. This week I have decided to get together with some friends and make packs with food and water for the homeless people we will pass by either in the subways or on the streets. You can contribute something big or small, or nothing if you don't want to or can't at the moment. Just don’t forget to look down every once in a while. Love Always, Jen |
Jenavieve Anna Capri
Hi guys, I just wanted to pop in and let you know a few things about me. I'm a Commercial Dance major at Pace University. I nanny on the side to help me afford living in this beautiful city. I live by the three Ts - Trader Joes, TJ Max, and Target. If it's salted caramel anything, I will gladly put it in my mouth. In my eyes Disneyland is the OG and Disney World will never compare. Hopefully, you'll choose to continue to get to know me more through these blog posts and my social media. Connect With Me:
Instagram: @jenannacapri25 |