Self-love and self-healing have been big topics for those fortunate enough to take advantage of the extra free time this pandemic has allotted. Being someone who focuses most often on how I can take care of others or how I can fix what is broken, that's what I spent most of this pandemic doing. But unfortunately, I spent so much time fixated on the overwhelming brokenness of this world that I broke myself.
I’ve been aware of this brokenness within myself for a while, but waited to actively work to heal and as soon as I made the decision to put my own pieces back together, I have been flooded with social media posts, articles, and documentaries revolving around the topic of self-healing. Somehow, whenever we focus on a topic or an item, they always seem to appear in every avenue of our lives. Like when you get a new pair of shoes and it seems as if everyone and their mother owns those same shoes. It’s not that those shoes weren’t popular or being worn, it’s just that you’ve tuned in to their existence. That is how self-healing and self-love feel to me. I knew they were meaningful topics of discussion, but they weren’t important to me at the time so I simply dismissed them. Now that I have placed them on the radar of my personal journey, I see the existing conversation and I want to contribute. While I am at the mere beginning of my journey to self-healing, the greatest lesson I’ve learned so far is as follows. I broke myself by obsessing over the brokenness of this earth. I felt helpless and insignificant. I felt lost and that I had no real power to make any sort of change. I made myself sick thinking about how sick our planet is. While intending to do better for the world, I ironically inflicted more pain on this planet by sickening myself. Once I made the decision to self-heal and was more receptive to the self-healing content that exists, it all clicked. Someone who has resonated with me most, was Coco Berthmann (@coco_berthmann on instagram), a child-trafficking survivor and activist. She posts often about her self-healing journey and makes the claim that, “Hurt people, Hurt people” and “Traumatized people, traumatize people.” Reading that made me realize that while it is a beautiful thing to have the quality of selflessness, it can become self-destructive, and therefore destructive to society as a whole. Through both my own journey and the journeys of the authors and activists that I have allowed to guide me, I have realized that the work we do on ourselves is just as important and valid as the work we do on the world. We can’t create a better world if we are not bettering ourselves, as we are part of this world. Love always, Jenavieve
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I was scrolling through my Instagram the other day and came across what I posted last Valentine’s Day. This occurred pre blog, so I basically wrote a mini blog in my post. Reading it over again, the line that I liked most was “I like to think of this holiday as a day to remind myself to show a little more of my heart to the world”. That line from a year ago inspired me to expand on that thought and share with you all how I spent my Valentine’s Day this year.
I’ve only spent one Valentine’s Day in my life with a significant other and my parents don’t ever really make a huge production of the holiday, yet for some reason it’s one of my favorite days. Aside from the fact that everything is pink and there is an abundance of chocolate covered strawberries, I love that it is a day to celebrate love. It is a day for all types of love - love for siblings, children, parents, friends, lovers, pets, and just life in general. Like I said, in my post last year, Valentine’s Day always reminds me of how loved I am and how much love I am able to give to those who love me, to myself, and even to those I hardly know. There is a surplus of love within all of us, and when our supply begins to dwindle, it’s quite simple to come up with more. By selfishly keeping our love within us, we are only doing a disservice to ourselves and others. Love is like magic. It’s this powerful feeling that is able to transform hate, resolve conflict, heal wounds, encourage joy, and inspire growth. There truly are only benefits tied to love, so let’s not give it out so sparingly or convince ourselves it can only be reserved for that special someone. It can be for everyone who has any significance (or insignificance) in your life. I see and hear so many people pity themselves on this holiday, assuming that unless they have a hot date they need to be locked inside watching a sappy love story, binging on ice cream and wine. But I spent my valentines with 10 hot dates. My roommates and I hosted a “Galentines” party with some of our girlfriends (& Conner of Course ;)) We had too many drinks and appetizers to share, lots of games, and so many laughs in my apartment. And better yet, we ended the night by going out and celebrating our love for ourselves, each other, and this beautiful city we live in. I’m hoping that this post made you have a change of heart in your feelings towards Valentine’s Day, because really no one should ever dread a day focused on the unconditional gift of love. Love Always, Jenavieve Ps. You were all my valentines this year xoxo Dancing is a selfless art. My main focus when dancing is catering my movement and performance towards my audience, or to provide energy for the dancers I'm surrounded by to feed off of. My feelings are always last to be considered, because it isn't about me. It's about giving art breath and brining visions to life.
This past weekend though I felt a bit selfish, but in the best way possible. At my school, every fall, the upperclassman that take the Advanced Choreography class that Pace offers get to create a piece of choreography and place it on stage in a show entitled "Emergence". Somehow I got lucky enough to be selected to participate in pieces, within this show, that I felt an immediate pull towards. These pieces just fell naturally in my body and I immediately knew how to perform them (maybe because it felt less like performing and more like existing). I didn't feel worried about the other dancers in the piece or serving the audience, I could just dance and enjoy the sensations of the movement. I knew I was serving them, because I was serving myself first. An audience wants to watch something authentic, and dancers want to dance beside honest and trustworthy individuals. By worrying to much about what others want from me, I simply can not maintain my integrity, which is ironically exactly what they need from me. I've always known this, but I think I fell out of touch with this part of myself as an artist in the past few months. But this weekend I was able to reconnect with myself again. I feel liberated. I feel refreshed. And I feel like I never want to lose this feeling again. I hope this reminded you all to make sure that whatever you are doing, you're doing it for yourself first, and naturally you will end up doing it for the benefit of others. Love Always, Jenavieve |
Jenavieve Anna Capri
Hi guys, I just wanted to pop in and let you know a few things about me. I'm a Commercial Dance major at Pace University. I nanny on the side to help me afford living in this beautiful city. I live by the three Ts - Trader Joes, TJ Max, and Target. If it's salted caramel anything, I will gladly put it in my mouth. In my eyes Disneyland is the OG and Disney World will never compare. Hopefully, you'll choose to continue to get to know me more through these blog posts and my social media. Connect With Me:
Instagram: @jenannacapri25 |